My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
