that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
