clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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