I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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