If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
