Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
