similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
