atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
