ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
