I just cut my nipple shaving
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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