He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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