honey bunches of taint.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I smell like Dick and happiness
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
