In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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