is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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