Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize