I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
