Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
