i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
