I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
