Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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