she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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