I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
