I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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