Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
