you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
