not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
