He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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