i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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