I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
