yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
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