Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
