I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Two words: nipple clamps
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