I hate your face
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
