Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
