i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
They have beer where we have blood.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
