The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
