I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
