I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
