she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
