Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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