SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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