I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just puked most of my soul out..
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
