When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
