I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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