Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
