Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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