Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
