I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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