threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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