I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Every concussion has its silver lining
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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