Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize