Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize