the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Holy sore nipples Batman
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
