so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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