she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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