He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize