the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
40s are totally the cure
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
