i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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