You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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