you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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