New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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