she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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