We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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