"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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