nutella sex= disaster
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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