her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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